Green grass and blue skies

It is now less than a month to go before I leave and my life is sliding back into the familiar transient feel of the nomad student as I shed, dispose or mothball my commitments, responsibilities and assets. Already I have a price tag on my car, made arrangements for several house-sitters, squaring off my projects by unloading them onto unsuspecting colleagues, and making as much time as possible for friends and family to say goodbye.  I’m never one to be overly emotional about good-byes; particularly given my absence will only be for 12 short months. Still, the last time I was going somewhere far away for a lengthy period, I wasn’t leaving behind quite so many things. 

The last four years have been extremely eventful, both good and bad. I’ve learned life lessons that will carry me through a lifetime. But even as things on the surface may seem for many to be near ideal, it will be unfair for me to say that I have been completely happy. Like wearing a shirt several sizes too small, some things felt like they simply did not fit. I’ve never said this out loud for fear I may appear ungrateful for the blessings I have been given, but I believe that I have a right to try harder for a better life.

For months now I’ve been day-dreaming about the solitude and carefree lifestyle of being a student again. I’ve made all sorts of plans to laze about for days on green grass that meet blue skies and idle chatter. Of travel and study, discovery and learning. I want to think through what I want to do with my life and hopefully, decide.